Regrets
by MQ1
Summary: During OOTP. 'Do you have any regrets, Severus' SSMM. On indefinite HIATUS
1. This is what I wanted

**Regrets**

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­_**Author's note: -** I know you've seen this one before, but (and there is a but), I'm going to eventually combine it with 'Behind the Sneer.' It was going nowhere with the other plot-line, and I would prefer to change a plot than leave something unfinished._

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I'm trying to control myself  
So please don't stand in my way  
I've waited for the longest time  
**This is what I wanted in my way**

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Severus Snape marched down the Hogwarts halls his black cloak billowing out behind him. First year Hufflepuffs almost dove out of his way as he approached, and he assumed that he looked the epitome of rage. He had just come back from his potions class with Fifth year Gryffindors, where Neville Longbottom had managed to turn a simple calming draught into a lime green concoction that caused boils to erupt from any person unfortunate enough to come into contact with it. Add to the fact that he also managed to melt the cauldron containing the said potion, and Severus was left with 15 howling students who he had to escort to the Hospital Wing. 

He reached the staff room, and was preparing to wrench the heavy oak door open when he heard soft music coming from inside. His curiosity peaked, he opened the door silently and slipped inside undetected. What he saw brought a soft smile to his face and he felt his bad mood evaporate.

Minerva McGonagall stood in front of the kitchen bench swaying gently to a tune he didn't recognise that emanated from a small wizarding radio. She was making a cup of tea, but continued to sway as she poured boiling water from the kettle into a small teapot. She summoned a mug toward her and pouring in the resulting tea. The music reached a crescendo, and her feet began to move in complex patterns. Severus smiled from the shadows as she allowed the music to overtake her. A small smiled graced her features and all stern lines had vanished from her face.

Her hand fluttered to a button at her throat, and with a twist of her fingers she removed her heavy outer cloak leaving her clad in a simple combination of a white blouse, and a skirt of the same emerald green as her robes. Severus gaped at the lithe figure this action revealed, and was further nonplussed when she reached upwards and removed a strategically placed hairpin, causing her hair to cascade down her back. Thick, dark and slightly wavy, it fell to below her shoulder blades framing her face. Her hair contrasted with her ivory skin and Severus was sure it would highlight her emerald eyes had they been open.

She spun lightly on her feet in perfect rhythm to the music, and Severus impulsively moved forward and placed a tentative hand on her waist. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Taking confidence that she didn't draw back, he reached for her hand and clasped it gently within his own. He pulled her toward him and they began to move in slow circles their movements as natural as if they had danced together for years.

The music began to slow as Severus spun Minerva away from him and he felt a sense of regret that the dance was coming to an end. She spun backwards and rested her back against his chest as the music reached its finale. They stopped dancing and Severus let go of his hold on Minerva's waist and stepped backwards. She turned to face him and smiled gently.

"You're quite the dancer it would seem," she said softly in a voice far different from her usual abrasive tones.

Severus merely nodded mutely as his extensive vocabulary eluded him. She smiled again and moved past him toward the kitchen bench where she retrieved her tea and sipped it gently.

"There's more in the pot," she said, gesturing at the tartan-patterned teapot he himself had brought her as a Christmas present after declaring that all she owned was tartan.

"Thank you," he said finally, taking the pot and pouring himself a cup. They sipped their tea silently as they stood next to each other. Severus was reliving the dance in his mind and glanced over at his colleague who looked penseive.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said looking down at her.

She gave a soft smile, "Do you have any regrets, Severus?"

He gave her a pointed look and she smiled apologetically. "Ignore me," she said looking away from him and drinking from her cup.

"What about you, Minerva?" Severus asked examining her profile. As he had expected her dark hair accentuated her eyes.

"What are my regrets?" she said into her cup, "I have too many to count."

She fell silent and Severus didn't press the topic. She finished her tea and placed the empty cup back on the bench. She reached down for her cloak and withdrew her wand from her pocket. She pointed it at her hair and it was immediately drawn back into its customary tight bun. Severus reached for her arm as she prepared to pull on her outer cloak.

"Don't," he said softly withdrawing his own wand and waving it so her hair once more fell down her back, "You look beautiful with your hair down."

She raised her eyebrows as he flushed and he dropped his arm letting it fall back to his side.

"Thank you," she said, giving him what could only be called a shy grin.

He shook his head, "I was speaking the truth."

She gave a small laugh as she turned from him and began to walk across the staff room. Severus watched as she gathered a large pile of parchment and prepared to exit. He quickly strode across the room and took the parchment from her. Their fingers brushed and Severus felt a slight warmth at his fingertips.

He felt Minerva looking at him and jerked himself back to the present.

"Severus?" she asked her voice full of concern, "Are you alright? You've grown rather pale."

Severus nodded though Minerva didn't look convinced. She reached upwards and felt his forehead making him all too aware of how soft her skin was. She frowned slightly and took the stack of parchment from him and placed it back on her desk.

Severus finally found his voice, "Minerva. You know what you said about regrets?"

She nodded slowly clearly unsure where he was going with this line of thought. Severus leant forward and brushed his lips against hers for a brief moment before drawing back.

"I think I may have regretted not doing that," he said standing straight again.

Minerva touched her fingers to her lips and stared at him incredulously. He nodded his head toward her and quickly strode past her toward the door. As he opened it he turned back and saw that she hadn't moved, and was standing in the same position. He gave a soft smile and walked out into the corridor past the same Hufflepuffs who looked slightly alarmed that he wasn't angry anymore.

He ran his tongue lightly over his lips. He could still taste Minerva's lipstick…

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_**Author's note: - **Hope you enjoyed! Please review. Minniequill_


	2. A Different Way to Be

_**Author's note: - **This is the same as it were, but the conseqent chapters are completely different from what they were, hence the reason the older ones were deleted (my apologies if you were attached to the other ones. :D)_

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I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,  
Because it came from you.  
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,  
**A different way to be.**

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Severus sat down at the staff table and stared at the plate in front of him. Minerva was sitting on his right side, and he could see her in the corner of his eye as she leant over and spoke into Dumbledore's ear. As if sensing his gaze, she gave him a side-long glance and her cheeks flushed slightly and she turned her attention to her food. Severus allowed himself a small smile, and continued to watch her as she cut her meager serving of carrots into small pieces and placed them daintily into her mouth. His eyes followed her hand as she raised her fork, and he could almost feel her fingers on his forehead again as she looked at him with a concerned expression. 

He pushed his plate away as his appetite vanished and rose to his feet. He was preparing to turn and walked out when he felt a familiar hand on his forearm. He looked down to see Minerva looking upward at him her expression unreadable. Her eyes were blank pools of green, and though he instinctively tried to perform leglimency on her he found her mind barriers too strong for him to penetrate.

"Are you okay, Severus?" she asked with no detonable expression in her voice. Severus felt a lurch of emotion at her Scottish brogue, which had hardened to the point it was unrecognizable as the same soft and sensual voice that he had heard mere hours ago. He nodded mutely and she released her tight grip on his arm. He gave a polite nod in her direction before striding out of the Great Hall as fast as he could, without arousing curious looks from both students and teachers. He knew that his actions were out of character for him, but found that he didn't care.

He marched down the corridors toward the dungeons where his office was situated. The second he entered he slammed the door and leaned heavily against it for a moment. He gave a deep sigh before pushing himself off the door roughly, striding across his office and sitting heavily on the high-backed chair behind his desk. How could he have been such an idiot? He was known as the 'impenetrable mask' and yet he had let Minerva McGonagall in a moment of foolish whim see past that.

He shook his head roughly and schooled his features into his customary scowl as he pulled a large pile of essays toward him. As he began to scratch his quill against the heavy parchment, correcting the numerous mistakes his mind drifted back to his dance with Minerva. She had been as graceful as her animagus form would suggest and they were natural dance partners. She had followed his every move fluidly, and not once had they fallen out of step. He closed his eyes tightly trying to dispel the picture of Minerva touching her fingers gently to her lips from his mind. They snapped open abruptly when he heard a sharp knock at his door.

"Come in," he called irritably, turning his attention back to the essay on the effects of Deadly Nightshade.

"Is this a bad time?"

Severus nearly knocked over the ink bottle as his head whipped upward and he came face-to-face with the reason for his loss in composure. Minerva's voice had softened, and he thought fleetingly that it might be his presence that brought this change about, before dismissing it as one of folly.

"No," he said, trying to maintain some semblance of his normal unflappable demeanor, "Not at all."

She gave a small smile as she sat down opposite him. Her eyes darted about the room examining the many jars that lined the walls. He noticed that her lip didn't curl in distaste as so many others' did. Rather she seemed fascinated by the items on display.

"What can I do for you, Minerva?" Severus said as she turned her gaze toward him. She didn't answer immediately and her emerald eyes roved over his face with an unreadable expression. Severus felt 13 again under her scrutiny and suppressed the blush that threatened to rise.

"I merely wanted to see if you feeling well. You looked rather ill at dinner," she said eventually.

"Well as you can see I'm perfectly alright," Severus snapped in a harsher tone that he intended. It was too late to rectify that now and he wrenched the essay toward him and began to scribble furiously.

Minerva didn't seem to be remotely perturbed by his rudeness, and rose to her feet and moved so she was standing next to him.

"Severus, we've known each other long enough for you to be able to confide in me," she said half-sitting, half-leaning against his desk.

"Minerva, I'm fine."

She shook her head and reached over and brushed away an errant strand of hair from his face and tucked it behind his ears. Her fingers lingered at his jaw line before she drew her hand back.

"Well you're not hot," she said, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

He gave a low laugh, which sounded foreign to his ears as he leant back and looked upwards at her. She blushed slightly before she leant downward and brushed her lips against his.

"I think I may have regretted not doing that," she said echoing his earlier words as pulled away from him.

Severus didn't answer her and she gave him one last smile before pushing herself from the desk and walking sedately across the room. As she reached for the door handle he called out.

"Minerva?"

She turned and raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Where does this leave us?"

She shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I leave that in your capable hands," she said softly.

She opened the door and strode outside into the corridor before he could say anything. Severus leant over his desk and hung his head in his hands. Once again the taste of Minerva's lipstick lingered.

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_**Author's note: - **Hope you enjoyed! Please review! Minniequill_


	3. Close to you

Why do stars fall off from the sky  
Every time you walk by?  
Just like me, they long to be  
**Close to you... **

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_Outstanding for Granger, Dreadful for Longbottom, Poor for Weasley, Exceeding Expectations for Malfoy, Poor for Crabbe..._

Severus sighed as he thumbed through the day's markings, separating the two houses' essays. A fortnight had passed since the 'Minerva incident' as he called it, and the woman in question had not given, or withdrawn for that matter, any affection she had bestowed upon him. Indeed, were it not for the memory he revisited each night in his pensieve, he would believe the entire situation to be wishful thinking on his part.

He set his marking on the desk, and leant back in his high-backed wooden chair. Granger's essay, with a red 'Outstanding' on the front blinked up at him. He snarled and covered it with Potter's 'Dreadful.' He closed his eyes, and willed his deluded histrionics to leave him. She was Minerva McGonagall. _Minerva McGonagall_, the beautiful, but aloof Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor, and he...he was a smarmy Slytherin.

With a vehement shake of his head, he rose to his feet, and exited his office. What was there to be done about it, these feelings that would not leave him? He clenched his eyes shut as he walked, his feet carrying him on the well-known pathway to the staffroom. There was no one wandering the halls at such a late hour, and the castle was silent. Outside, there were the nocturnal sounds of owls flying, and animals calling to each other, but inside there was nothing.

He opened the door to the staffroom, and stepped inside. The embers of the fire were still burning, the coals glowing orange in the faint light. He crossed to the bench, and was pouring himself a cup of tea when an all-too-familiar voice carried through the air.

"What brings you here so late?"

Minerva was sitting on the sofa, her legs curled beneath her, occupying his usual chair. She held a tumbler of scotch in her hand, and he could hear the faint sound of ice chinking together. Her green eyes bore into his, and he felt a flush rise in his cheeks. A draught crept in through the window, blessedly cool on his heated face, but stirring a shiver from his limbs. The night was crisp as Autumn faded into Winter, and the wind blew stronger from the south. Severus ran his hands over his arms, and pointed his wand at the fireplace.

"_Incendio_."

Flames erupted, licking the edges of the grate, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Minerva flinch, though the movement could have been a legerdemain of the sudden light. The crystal tumbler fell to the floor, shattering into small pieces, and Minerva brought her hand to her mouth. Severus rushed forward as she leant over to retrieve the shards, and knelt next to her as he flicked his wand.

"_Reparo."_

The crystal reformed, though the scotch had soaked into the carpet, and Severus placed the tumbler on the small coffee table. Minerva gave him a small, apologetic smile, and looked downward.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, steadfastly looking at her folded hands that rested in her lap. "You startled me."

Severus shook his head as he rose to his feet, and sat next to her. They remained a respectable distance apart, and the silence between them was deafening. Minerva's eyes were fixed on the back on her hands, and he barely heard her as she finally spoke.

"You never answered my question."

Severus' brow furrowed.

"What brings you here so late?"

Severus shrugged his shoulders. "I felt like a brief respite from my office."

"I see."

The two fell silent again, and Severus merely looked at the witch opposite him. In the dancing light of the fire, her skin appeared almost translucent, and her cheeks had an unhealthy pallor. Her black hair had escaped from its bun, but instead of being dark and glossy like it had been two weeks ago, it was limp and dull.

"How are you?" he queried. He made his tone deliberately soft, knowing that Hogwarts' Transfigurations Mistress abhorred those who asked after her health.

"I'm..." she began briskly, raising her head quickly. She shot him a look that began sternly, but found itself weighted with uncertainty, and her gaze fell back to her lap. "I'm tired," she said softly, her voice scarce above a whisper. "That..._woman_ has had me working past midnight for god knows how long now." A harsh laugh escaped from her lips, and her eyes flashed in the dancing light of the flames. "That day you saw me dancing in the staff room; I'd just awoken after falling asleep in my office for three hours. Normally I barely have the energy to crawl out of bed, let alone to dance..."

She broke off, and ran a hand through her hair, effectively disheveling her bun. "I've worked here for nearly 39 years, and _never _have I been so exhausted. You know she's had me on the 2 am patrol for the past week?"

Severus shook his head, allowing her to vent her frustrations.

"Yes, and then calls 6 am staff meetings. I'm not young anymore and..."

"Stop," he interrupted, holding his hand up to quell further words.

Minerva raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"You are young, Minerva," Severus said, colour flooding to his cheeks.

Minerva snorted humorlessly. "Do you know how _old _I am, Severus?" she asked, leaning back into the couch.

Severus shrugged his shoulders. "No, but..."

"I'm 70-years-old. Well, almost, I will be on October..."

"The prime of your life," Severus interjected.

Minerva laughed, a sound more hollow than light-hearted. "If you say so, Severus," she said, rising to her feet, and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I do," he maintained, standing as well.

Minerva looked up at him (he was one of the few men who was taller than her) and smiled. "Well, goodnight, Severus," she said, side-stepping around him.

Severus followed. "I'll walk you back to your chambers."

She raised her eyebrows, but nodded, and Severus walked alongside her, feeling absurdly gallant. They walked silently through the winding halls of Hogwarts, Severus' flat-soled shoes barely making a sound against the stone floor, whilst Minerva's heeled boots clicked loudly and echoed in the night air.

Minerva drew to a halt outside a portrait of Godric Gryffindor, and gave him the first, true smile he had seen that night. "Thank you."

She turned to walk inside as the portrait swung open in admittance, but she faltered at the entrance. "Severus," she said softly.

"Yes?"

"About a fortnight ago? I apologise."

Severus placed a hand on her upper arm, and swung her to face him. She looked understandably shocked, which only intensified when he leant forward and kissed her. For a moment she hesitated, but he pulled her closer toward him. Her arms snaked around his neck and he pulled the hairpins from her hair so that it flowed freely down her back. He rubbed small circles on her back, relaxing the muscles, and she leant further into him.

He pulled back reluctantly, and found Minerva looking up at him, smiling again. Her lips were swollen, and she painted an even more gorgeous picture, if that were possible, than before when she had danced with him. His hands still held her waist, and she stepped back, causing them to fall back down to his sides.

"Thank you," Minerva whispered. "And not only for that, but for listening and..." She shook her head. "Thank you, Severus."

He inclined his head toward her in a small bow causing her to chuckle. "Goodnight, Severus."

She turned, and stepped back into her chambers. Once she had vanished when the portrait swung shut, and he was sure she would not reappear, did he turn back and walk toward the dungeons where his own chambers were located. A smile flickered across his face.

_Her lips taste better than her lipstick..._

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_**Author's notes: - **Well I hoped you enjoyed that chapter! If so, please leave a review and tell me! Cheers. Minniequill. _

_Oh, and unless otherwise told, all chapter titles will be from 'The Cranberries'. And sadly, I do not own them, or Harry Potter..._


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